Have you ever had something hit you so hard that it just stunned the hell out of you? As if your body couldn't process anything. Not an emotion, a thought, no movement. Just utter shock. That's what happened to me a few months ago. I didn't know how broken my inner child still was until everything came flooding to the surface all at once. How much of myself I had pushed deep down and locked away.
I had a ton of traumas brought forward because someone told me I was being fake. It's not so much that I was being fake at all. I just know how to shut myself down to such a hard level that I appear to be uncaring and well let's just call a spade a spade here, a totally different person. Not the person they met. Well ya, that's because I show my true colors right out of the gate. But if I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, made to think I'm crazy (when I know I'm not) or talked to and treated in a way I shouldn't have to put up with, then yes I will shut down and seem like someone I'm not. I won't put in the effort anymore. You will get the bare minimum from me.
Anyway, all of these childhood and even teenage traumas got yanked like a damn Mack truck to the surface by this person and I felt like a shell of who I thought I was and not a whole one either. This is like my 5th or 6th Dark Night of the Soul since I awakened in 2020. Let me tell you. Anyone who says awakening is fun, all love and light, never anything bad happens, hasn't had a true awakening. Spiritual awakenings come in levels, they hit hard every time you level up and everything you thought you knew about yourself and most definitely what you thought you knew about the people and the world around you, well it's shaken up, tossed around and you're lucky if you are left with a half decent shell to rebuild on for a decent foundation.
So for those of you feeling like you are going through this type of thing, my advice is hang on because you are in for one hell of a ride. I don't say this to scare but I'm damn sure not going to sugar coat it. You're probably wondering how I've dealt with all of it thus far. Well, I do a lot of meditation. I take the time to connect with my spiritual team, I do the work because I WANT to heal not only me but my reincarnated soul. She has to heal too. To me it's not fair to make others suffer just because I'm afraid to feel a little bit of pain. So I do what I can at a semi decent pace, while still trying to enjoy this little thing called life. It's a beautiful journey. One I'm glad I'm finally able to share with you.
Yay!!! Shadow work time! Hehehe. Did anything in here trigger memories for you? Did it make you feel any certain way? Why do you think these things happened? All your answers are inward. Nothing we truly need is ever outside of us.
Until next time, much love from the Phoenix! 🥰🔥
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