Recently I've met a few people concerned with aging. Some men approaching 50. Some approaching 60, 70, 80, 90 and one ane in his mid 90's.
A woman I provide some coaching for in her that just turned 70 wants to have some plastic surgery and botox to get rid of some wrinkles and look younger.
I'm wondering ... why look younger? What is the issue with accepting and enjoying whatever age I am?
In my mid 40's (30 years ago)I was introduced to men's groups and one of the first experiences was welcoming the new elders. The concept was something had never heard of before and found truly exciting.
The following is an article I wrote on the subject.
Enjoy ... and I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
An Elder is Born -
1 was born July 25, 1949. It is July 25, 1999, 8:00 am. Fifty years have passed and I wake as Sam the dog barks. What the hell is going on? Jo-Anne my wife gets up to check it out and comes back to bed informing me pleasantly that there is someone or some thing on the porch for me. She recommends that] put some clothes on before I go down.
1 dress as fast as I can. On the porch is my business partner Daniel. He is standing there looking content and powerful wearing his eider stole. It is a stole made of different patches of material, each in different colours with a sacred, earthy tone to them. They look like something out of the bible, like the stole is made from fabric from the robes of the families of Abraham and David; that sort of thing. All the initiated elders in my New Warrior community have these stoles and I have admired them for a long time. The stoles are worn for rituals or occasions when elder status is important to designate.
This is such an occasion. It is my birthday. I am 50 today. Today I am an elder. Pat and Ken from my ‘clan’ (a group of 8 men who have been meeting every two weeks to support and challenge each other to live life in a way that makes us proud) are standing out in my front yard by the towering pine tree. Wow! Pat also has his stole. I am escorted to the circle and welcomed by my ‘brothers’. The sun is just over the trees out front and the grass is wet and cool under my feet. I hug each man for a long time and I am even kissed twice (there was a time in my life that I would never happen). It is so nice to be in this energy, their energy. They are powerful men that I admire. Their power is not as we commonly mean in the worldly sense. I am not talking of bank accounts, the number of people who report to them, the neighbourhood where they live or their social status. How can I describe it? Well, maybe if you have read ‘The Invitation’ by Oriah Mountain Dreamer (well worth a Google in my opinion): that is the kind of power I speak of. They are men of their word who are out to create a world that works for everyone with no one left out. They are men who make mistakes like everyone else, and clean them up as soon as they realize it or someone points it out to them, instead of trying to hide it or fix it, in order to hold up some false idea of greatness or perfection. I used to believe I had to hide my mistakes and failures to be acceptable and ‘good enough’. I do it far less now as I live in a community that allows for mistakes and humanness; a community which provides a space to clean it up without shame or guilt, just clean it up; make amends and move on.
We form a circle. Daniel and Pat light the smudge in a palm-sized shell. Each of us is smudged and blessed by another. I notice how peacefully and calmly things progress. It’s as if we have all the time in the world, as if time does not exist. I had dressed quickly after I peeked out the window and noticed Pat and Ken in the driveway conscious of having them waiting. I was even frustrated that it seemed to take so long to urinate, and when I came out they were just there, welcoming. Too long, or too late or too slow did not exist in the space, only welcome; ‘we are glad you are here Bob!’ is the only energy I pick up. I am surprised at the striking similarities to this experience and the ‘inner child, Bradshaw’ type work I have done about being welcomed into the world at birth.
Daniel starts by calling in the spirits of the east. He calls them in to bless me. He acknowledges how these energies are alive in me. I am surprised and moved. Pat calls in the spirits of the south and he too asks them to bless me and acknowledges me. Ken calls in the spirits of the west and does the same. (They are here just for me. I can’t believe it! I feel overjoyed and overwhelmed. I have a sense of being special and of being celebrated)
As we face the north, no one speaks. The circle arrangement has the rest of the men behind me as we face north. Is it my turn, I wonder? I don’t ask. The silence continues. It is a peaceful silence; no pressure or urgency. Is someone thinking, or is it my turn? I decide it is my turn. Is the north the direction of the king? I’m not sure, but today it’s going to be. I ask the north to bless us, and I acknowledge the quiet, sovereign king energy that I admire in these three men. I am aware of how I look up to them and value them in my life. I know how fortunate I am to have them in my life and how l ‘listen up’ when they speak; how I ‘study’ them.
Daniel or Majestic Wolf (Daniel’s animal name) calls in the spirits of the above - Father God. ‘Father God’ often brings up some religion issues for me, and as I write this, I notice none are present and how I accept this from him. Unmasked Raccoon - Pat - calls in the spirits of the below - the earth. I reach down and touch the damp earth and feel warm, damp richness. The others also feel the earth. All things grow ‘up’, says Pat, Unmasked Raccoon. King Wolf - Ken calls in the energies from within. I am aware of how his hands are on his heart while mine are outstretched to my side, open, like the other men. I place my hand on my heart. It feels good. I cross both hands on my heart like King Wolf. I feel connected and grounded and whole. I notice the others do the same. I think this is interesting how everyone seems to lead and follow with some type of natural synchronicity. It is spontaneous, yet planned. Maybe it is just my lack of the magic of ‘I don’t have to know.’
As I write this it I am aware of how more and more often I am comfortable in the ‘I don’t have to know’. Another of those things that make sense, yet don’t make sense at all. I am glad that I am getting more comfortable with my ‘craziness’.
Daniel (Majestic Wolf) acknowledges that he is aware of how important being an elder is to me, and states that my being an elder is also important to him as we connect with tear-filled eyes. I am asked what word stands out or comes to mind to describe the period of my life from birth to puberty, and after some thought I am aware of two words: innocence and fear. I notice I am giving two words and not one, and I notice that I am noticing it. I am breaking the rules’. I am not doing exactly what was asked, and I am absolutely fine with it, partly because of who I am and partly because of who these men are.
The next period of life I am asked to look at is from puberty to 29. The words that ‘come up’ are ‘pleasure’ or more accurately, ‘sex’. The word that comes up for 50 and beyond is ‘blessing’.
Majestic Wolf kneels in front of me and asks for my blessing. I touch his shoulder and his head and as the tears fill my eyes that familiar voice in my head says, “I don’t know how to do this right.” “I don’t know what to say” - and I speak anyway. I don’t remember what I said; I just remember the strange sense of having this mentor, this powerful man, kneeling in front of me. I was aware of a connection to, awareness of him like never before. Impossible to put into words; the closest I can come is to liken it to what I have felt touching a horse. There is some great energy, this powerful mass of energy in the flesh, this miracle of union between spirit and earth that creates something unique that is probably always there, yet which I rarely have a sense of being in touch with. As I help Majestic Wolf rise, I am reminded again as 1 have noticed a few times this morning about the aging bodies, including mine, or maybe especially mine, that are slower to kneel and slower to rise, and it is fine.
Unmasked Raccoon knelt before me next and as I blessed him I was aware of how often I am moved by him. He is the oldest of the elders in my life, like a father or grandfather. We are related in some strange way. I recall first hearing his animal name: Unmasked Raccoon. Raccoon! I am Yellow Raccoon Dancing! We are both raccoons. I was surprised when my name came to me in a meditation exercise.
The words ‘Yellow’, ‘dancing’ and ‘raccoon’ are all strange to me. I don’t know why these came up; all I know is that they did, and as strange and out of character as they seemed, I was open to whatever would come; thus my name, Yellow Raccoon Dancing. I am 6’2” and 275lbs. I used to think of myself more like a lumbering bear, moose, or elephant.
Eagles, hawks and wolves have also been figures 1 have been drawn to; the raccoon has never called me. I have noticed many on the side of the road, bloated and motionless, dancing no more. On this morning I have the recurring thought of changing my name to Golden Raccoon Dancing. I have considered
it a few times lately. One of my clan brothers is Golden Horse and he often feels ‘golden’ and makes me mindful of how ‘golden’ my life is. Yellow to golden seems a natural progression, doesn’t it? Golden is definitely a lot ‘classier’. This is definitely the perfect group to have a very moving and meaningful ritual to change my name. Yes, Golden would be far more accurate to describe my greatness. Oh, oh. There’s a fine piece of ego. ‘Yellow’ will do just fine and has more to teach me.
King Wolf was the last to be blessed by me. He has given me much acknowledgement and confidence in the many times we have spent together. He is a model of maintaining physical well being and I am often uplifted in his presence.
My blessing of each man complete, I am invited to receive the blessing of these men. I kneel and they stand around me. I feel hands on my back, shoulders and head. I don’t know whose hands are where, nor does it matter. Being touched by this collective loving energy is wonderful as each man blesses me in turn.
Rising, Ken, King Wolf, gives me a scroll to read. It is rolled and held with a ribbon. I notice it has his name on it, maybe from a ceremony similar to this. I do not ask. I open it and see it is the work, ‘The Invitation’ by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. I read it aloud, slowly. Part of me wants to rush, to skip over it. I continue to read slowly, paying attention to the words. I am learning to move more slowly and deliberately. I have been much more deliberate in where I put my energy in this year leading up to my fiftieth birthday. 1 am glad to be in a place that understands and agrees with the poem and also to be with like- minded men.
My ‘brothers’ ask a neighbour who is setting up for a yard sale to take our picture. The morning is complete. What an incredible ‘birth’ day… welcomed by elders into this new community, this new circle where I am blessed, encouraged and supported. Where I am welcomed and my blessing is appreciated. This is the experience I understand Bradshaw and Whitfield to be talking about in their ‘inner child’ healing. I have a great start as an elder.
I wonder what this journey holds before I wind up like my bloated namesakes, motionless by the side of the road.
Yesterday, at my birthday party, I was reminded of how fortunate I am for the loving family and friends I have. I am very grateful for all these people in my life. I was told more than once, to my surprise, how the children were excited about coming here, and how they enjoy the ‘space’ Jo-Anne and I have created and that we provide. I am truly fortunate and grateful to my family, extended family and all my friends, past and present, living and dead, who have contributed in each their own way to the life I have today. Today is a good day to die, and a great day to be born! All is well!
Written on my birthday and printed in Everyman Magazine -Issue 44 July August 2000 - Bob McGuire rjmcguir@gmail.com 519-971-2109
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